The year that was, 2022

Well, it's the end of 2022 and I've got an odd feeling. The last few years I've started by expressing relief that the year is over. For the first time since 2015 I'm not going to write some variant of "thank goodness this year has finished". It has been a difficult year at times, but overall I think it has worked out well. I have certainly (once again) worked far too much, and I ended the year with COVID but overall I give this one a passing grade. But what did I actually do other than work? Well, let's find out. It can't all have been Elden Ring and Deep Rock Galactic (again).

• 12 posts on this blog (13 including this one) - down on last year, but eighth consecutive year of a post per month
• Another year of the Year in Pictures - eighth year and we're up to 39 photographers
• 316 Github contributions - up from last year
• Wrote RPG Sword Forms application
• Wrote a simple guide to upgrading to Rails 7 (which apparently GDS used - gosh)
• Replatformed all my apps when Heroku stopped doing a free tier (guide to come!)
• Completed Elden Ring
• Beat Malenia, Blade of Miquella without using any cheese or summons (I'm proud of myself...)
• Lots of reading
• A full year of solid exercise with a personal trainer
• Established a good physiotherapy regime
• Made some recruitment videos - this is work, but the important point is my video editing is now smooth enough to focus on the output rather than having to look up every last interaction
• Went on a date!
• Another year of the Saturday morning exercise class
• Built a LEGO Infinity Gauntlet with lights
• Learned to carve letters in wood
• Summer baking and BBQ cooking classes
• Made a picture for my Mum
• Yet more instagramming
• Loads more photos on my Flickr stream
• I also turned 40, which included a lovely trip to Pembrokeshire

Resolution count - 5.5/10. Down on last year, AND I worried I'd made them too easy!

It has been an odd year. Very tiring in places, and once again I've worked far too much. I didn't feel I'd done anything and my resolution count is going down, yet the list above is much longer than usual and I don't think I've scraped the bottom of the barrel pulling it together. So I'm clearly doing things, just not the things I intended. I can live with that, but I would like the things I do to have a greater impact on me so I actually remember them. Interestingly, unlike other years, the above list is spaced across the year rather than being loaded into the last three months so maybe I've achieved something approaching balance? I also didn't have three months off work and still did Many Things so clearly I've started recovering some energy to be able to do them.

Speaking of balance, we should definitely take a quick look at work. I spent nine months as a contractor before formally being appointed to my first full director role at Macmillan Cancer Support. After 2021 that was definitely a good boost for my self-esteem! I also helped set up the new version of the London Data Board, then got myself appointed onto it. This coming year, I need to grow into this new form of work - looking ahead to decide what I need to learn to be better at it.

Looking forward to 2023, I'm going to write the same thing I write every year. I need to spend less time working and more time living. Last year I stated my intention to do more creating "things" and the above list shows I made a decent go at that. I want to do more again in 2023 - ideally maturing those skills I've been picking up the last few years so I can be more excited about the things I'm making. I also want to get out and about somewhere - I'm not great with travelling off my own back so maybe I can change that.

More than this, I want to revisit what I wrote at the end of last year's summary. I have starting pulling together my sense of wonder and continuing to restore my zest for life is going to be the main focus for next year. Hopefully this will also be reflected in my writing on this blog too. Less of the "this is hard" and more of the "this is interesting".

2023. Bring it on.

Well, I had COVID

It has been a quiet month. Nearly three years after the world first shut down, I finally caught COVID. I'm writing this as a reflection for future-me just in case I ever think about getting it again.

The short version is that I don't recommend it.

The week before was a long, tiring and frequently cold week that ended with some very lovely but early morning / late night festivities. So come Friday, when I was feeling rough and exhausted, I figured that I needed some sleep and relaxation. I even cancelled my Saturday morning exercise so I could sleep in. Good choice since I woke up that Saturday morning with my skin and joints screaming, my head swimming and a bad reaction to the cooler air outside my duvet. That was a bad day, where walking the 10 paces to the kitchen was hard work.

Fortunately, the fever broke overnight and the next day I woke to find I could move more easily, although even with a heavy dose of paracetamol I was barely functional. My COVID tests had all dried up, so I dragged myself out to the local pharmacy for another batch and some flu medication - a 15 minute round trip which utterly wiped me out for the rest of the day. Got that test in and yes - positive. Sigh.

Thus began a week of sleeping and basically going nowhere other than a short walk around the block every few days. Coughing to the point of struggling to breathe, throat pain, photosensitivity and brain fog were the main symptoms along with utter exhaustion - it has been a long time since I've had so little energy. Each day consisted of a few hours awake, mostly spent watching things on Netflix and playing some videogames. Food was less than ideal - eating whatever would stay down did involve a significant increase in pizza and chocolate...

There were some positives. I watched all of Sonic Prime (enjoyable), Dragon Prince series 4 (good after a terrible start), and Wednesday (great atmosphere). I completed all my Christmas shopping (online). And as I got better I also wrote the first pass of an engineering strategy - although I haven't read it back so there is a good chance it is a terrible product of a malfunctioning brain.

It took about a week of being basically incapacitated before anything started to shift. There was a step change in the exhaustion, which stepped from "basically unable to move" up to "short distances are achievable with enough planning" and the coughing improved, although continued. However, the positive tests continued so I remained isolated.

Also, it's worth remembering that getting hold of a doctor to be signed off work is not easy. I called my surgery on the first day I was ill and the first appointment was thirteen days away - notably quite some time after the five days self-certification.

A couple of days into my second week, around 9 days after my first positive test, I had my first negative test. This was a huge relief as it meant I could go and sit in a coffee shop and actually see other humans from a distance. The short walk did, of course, completely exhaust me requiring an extended lie down and a snooze when I got home but it did help me stop going slowly mad. Symptoms continued to improve slowly, but didn't go away. The worst was the brain fog. Living alone and doing very little meant I didn't notice it so much, but any time I spoke to someone I realised that talking in complete sentences was a challenge. I'd frequently start talking and forget what I was going on about.

By the end of the second week I had returned (gently) to remote working. A few hours a day Thursday and Friday were enough to completely exhaust me again, leading to a weekend mostly asleep. The following week of lighter hours was another step better, but still struggling with some photosensitivity, ongoing exhaustion and brain fog. By this point I'm also having complications with fading fitness - three weeks off exercise and eating rubbish is not good in general. More significantly, any kind of illness like this triggers depression in me and the time of year (dark, cold and mostly wet) don't do much to counter it - so in addition to not wanting to get up because ill, I'm also not wanting to get up because depression. Of course I'm also still taking a heavy dose of paracetamol.

I'm really glad that the first week back was the run into Christmas and so quieter than it could have been otherwise. It also means that as I write this I'm holiday so I've been back off work for a few days recovering again. I'm certainly feeling better - my brain is clearing and the rest is very helpful. However, I'm still low on energy and coughing extensively. I'm hoping that next week (in the new year) I'll be well enough to start some proper exercise again and begin the slow rebuild of fitness. Either way I'll be back at work, trying to fight through all the email I missed while off.

Worse than this is the effect on my mental health. Anyone who has read this blog for a while knows I suffer from bouts of depression, and while right now I'm feeling ok I also require very little self-motivation and I'm "ok". I'm worried about myself for when I go back to work and have to push myself again, so I'm going to have to keep a close eye on myself and ensure I'm embracing sources of energy and joy as well as pushing through the energy-sinks and also the ripple effects into other parts of my life, such as maintaining exercise and cooking properly.

I appreciate this hasn't been a very interesting post, but I did want to document how I felt through this. I certainly didn't have the worst COVID, but I did seem to have a nasty dose of the simpler version and I'm not keen to go through this again. So, future-me - stay well.