The end of the year approaches and another strange one. Far too much work, and I really don't feel like I've done a lot. However, the actual results are quite different so I'm not sure why I feel less than satisfied with myself. Let's dig into the detail - there is certainly more than Helldivers 2 and Dave the Diver.
- 13 posts on this blog (14 including this one) - tenth consecutive year of a post per month
- Continued posting my blog posts on LinkedIn and getting some good responses
- Passed my Magistrates application interview
- Another year of the Year in Pictures - tenth year and we're up to 47 photographers
- 347 Github contributions - well up on the last few years
- Including extensive rewrite of styling for Year in Pics site, removing old Foundation 5
- And a performance rewrite which cut build time from 85 seconds to 6
- Complete upgrade to all Ruby apps and code including migrating Postgres databases (again)
- Changed my email setup again - sigh
- Resurrected an old Pixel C
- Rebuilt my desktop computer
- Updated my music system
- Another year of Saturday Pain and made a t-shirt
- Learned to make candles
- More cooking
- Started writing D&D again
- Started bread again! Although not a great first run...
- Made a Lego Piranha plant, Optimus Prime, and URB Studio
- Made a dice display
- Showed my photos at the St Swithins creativity event
- Pie making cookery course
- Ran quarterly dinner parties - a fancy name for games and food
- Made a few different photo decorated items and books
- Escaped another couple of escape rooms
- Another year of exercise with a personal trainer
- Ongoing good physiotherapy regime
- Spoke at a conference about AI in the charity sector
- Another year on the Data for London Advisory Board
- Yet more instagramming
- More photos on my Flickr stream
Resolution count - 5/10. Not bad, and a lot better than last year.
So yes, this has been an odd year. I've achieved a lot more than I thought despite a rough year at work. A year ago I wrote this, for the millionth year in a row:
Looking forward to 2024, I'm going to write the same thing I write every year. I need to spend less time working and more time living.
Well, I'm happy to say I worked it out this year - I finally found a way to regenerate my energy and spend more time on the things I enjoy. Unfortunately, that way was leaving my job so it feels a bit all or nothing...
Overall though, I have two thoughts about 2024. First, I am quite pleased with how much I did this year. This time last year I struggled to write the above list, and really felt I was bulking it out with non-events. This year I managed to write a lot more and the general quality feels a lot higher. Good news! On the slight downside, far too many of these are from the last couple of months of the year - that is, after removing work. So I still have no idea how to balance my life properly - hurrah for adulting.
Second, as I said in the intro I don't feel like I've done a lot. The evidence is there - I'm wrong and I did Many Things - so why is the emotional component not? Some is because the year has been backloaded, so for much of the year maybe that feeling is more accurate ... but still. What would I feel to be a successful year?
My low energy levels is likely partially a cause. For the second year running I have ended the year with another series of blood tests for fatigue - clear for the second time, fortunately, but the fact I keep having these tests is not a good sign. I really need to bring my physical and mental health to the point where normal fluctuations don't keep dipping me into a bad place.
But overall, I don't have a good answer to the question about why I am not satisfied with my own achievements. I do have a bit of an opportunity at the start of 2025. Being between jobs I'm at a natural point to be introspective and really think about what I want to achieve going forward, and also what would make me happy. So 2025 is going to be the year of working out where I want my life to go, along with actually doing some of it. Oh and getting a job, I guess. Boo.
One thing I do need carefully consider is how I interact with other people and the world. I have definitely withdrawn over 2024, mostly as a defence mechanism. Through tiredness and some bad experiences I deliberately focused on the things in my life over which I have some control, which is to say I looked inward. This helped, but I think the balance is off. I have the inclination to become a hermit if left to my own devices so I need to make sure I am remembering to look outward too.
Right, enough ruminating. 2024 was objectively a decent year, if hard work. I hope for more from 2025, but to add in the emotional component. In the 2021 version of this post, I wrote that I wanted to find and restore my sense of wonder. I think I did, but it has slipped again. So this year I want to bring it back again.
It is time. Onwards! To 2025!
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