Behold the art

Sometimes I just want to write a post on this blog to mark something that made me happy. This is one of those, so feel free to tune out if you're looking for something something data technology management leadership.

Anyone left? Cool.

For reasons that escape me, I was asked to show some of my photographs at a local exhibition of creativity and art. I have been a keen photographer for many years, but I've never really thought my pictures rise to any kind of display standard. However, others did not share that opinion so I was pushed into creating a display.

It went well!

And my photos of the whole event are here.

I actually got some really good comments. People loved the theme coming through the writeup and apparently some people got quite emotional when I wasn't there. In addition to the disease itself, the COVID lockdown has left some deep wounds and it does seem weird to me that, unlike other national emergencies (eg the war) we don't really talk about it much. Some of life has changed, some of life has reverted to as it was before. But in the main we're just carrying on. Certainly in my head unless I properly think about it, lockdown was ages ago now and something that happened over a couple of weeks. Clearly, that is absolutely not true, and I find it weird how keen we are collectively to put it to the side. Perhaps this is our way of collectively dealing with the trauma? It seems we should have a national memorial day or something?

Anyway, before this becomes a post about lockdown or COVID, just a few notes on how this was pulled together.

Obviously, the photos were taken years ago. They were part of a wider set (which was on the projector above, and is in the embedded carousel below) depicting light in the darkness of those times. This set is also on Flickr and that creates a slideshow which could be put up on screen. These pics were made into a book years ago, so I got one of the owners of that book (my parents) to pick their favourites and, after a spot of measuring and checking the DPI I calculated they would work at A3 size. Sadly, the local print store has shut down so after a spot of Googling, I took my flash drive to Ryman and was very pleasantly surprised that their photo printing is (to my amateur eye at least) really very good. If you are in Bath and need something printed well, you can do a lot worse!

One Flickr link, six pictures and a short write up combined to what you see above. I was really quite pleased with the outcome and makes me think I would like to do a bit more of this kind of thing. Of course that means I need to do some more creative work.

Since this blog is usually about the tech industry - I also met someone who is a developer looking at their future in the industry and gave them some sage advice (lol). Seriously, no idea if I said anything valuable or not, but I am always open to opportunities to help those coming through and give back. In fact, there is a post on this coming soon...

And to sign off - here is the full set of images from the display.

After ... erm ... 65 weeks?

Another month has gone, and I have nothing to say. This is just a collection of thoughts to capture how I'm feeling for myself and on the off-chance someone else relates and finds it useful. And partly because I've written a monthly post since Jan 2016 and I'll be damned if this is where it ends.

The wheels finally came off this month. After 65 weeks of trying to stay positive, push ahead, work through the problems, yadda yada, I think I've reached the point where I just don't care any more. The sun has come out, but it has rapidly become so hot I don't want to go outside. I have no interest in the day to day. I haven't really even taken any photographs this month. Weirdly, I think I feel worse now things are starting to open up than when everything was locked away as I should be excited about X and Y, but I don't know what those things are. I don't actually want to go outside, or see people now that I'm able to do so and I'm in a loop of waiting for lockdown to end, but also questioning why and what is on the other side. I feel deeply hollow and without purpose and I'm showing a lot of symptoms of burnout (not to mention depression). But this whole process is about maintaining optimism, so I need to think about what I am going to do, instead of focusing on the holes in my life.

There are some positives. After a block of time off, I've started writing again - both code and tabletop games. Having the energy, ideas and general interest to put pen to paper is quite a thing these days. I haven't written much as yet, but I take some solace that I'm writing at all - it's a good sign that I'm starting to spiral in a better direction.

At work, I've got things in place to re-energise myself. I've found a small project that can easily be delivered and will have a significant impact, so if I can get that out the door the small sense of accomplishment should help. I also need to kick-start some learning so I've bought a couple of books about strategy to read, which I hope will get the brain working again.

Exercise is slowly coming together too. I can return to the badminton court and, while it will be horrendous the first few times, that competitive element will really help me run around and supplement the HiiT class (which is starting to become two classes). I can already feel some benefit from the increased exercise, both with fitness and improved recovery times, and hopefully this will now accelerate.

I'm also cooking a lot more. My diet has radically improved over the last six months, and I'm recovering my skill in the kitchen (which has atrophied for much longer than COVID, sadly). Now I need to tweak it again to make it healthier, while also maintaining the interest. I think I'm going to game my calorie intake with MyFitnessPal again and see what I can achieve in July. Maybe I'll write about this next month?

Is that enough? I am not sure. It doesn't seem like a fulfilling life, but on the other hand it is much better than nothing. There are gaps I really need to fill, but there are lots of big changes in the works and these really need to play out to reset the framework of what I'm doing before I start putting new things around it. This is part of the current problem - the being stuck in limbo.

Not sure any of this helps me, but having written it down I can at least identify one of the core problems - impatience. It's not that nothing is happening, everything is awful, oh woe. It is that the changes are taking time and I am much better at dealing with problems than waiting for them to resolve themselves. Recognising that definitely helps me face it.

So - objectives this month: 

• Improve diet and track calories again
• Take more photos
• Do something worth writing about

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This post is from a series of shorter posts, written roughly once a week while the country is on lockdown to capture my feelings and reactions as we go. They are all tagged with coronavirus.

After 52 weeks - the perils of lockdown come home

This week, the 52nd week of pandemic restrictions, the isolation hit me hard. I took a trip to the supermarket, looking for supplies I can't buy at the shop at the end of my street. Shuffling around the long aisles I encountered many strange, moving forms. Forms that I believed only existed in two dimensions on my screen. But no - here they were, moving in the real world. How had this happened? These "people" were out there, making sounds like speech and I was confused. But not as confused as when I realised I couldn't find the talcum powder. I searched the shelves, yet nothing.

Seeing my difficulties, one of the "people" wearing the logo of the place (so "staff"? Kinda like an online chat bot, but walking and exhibiting intelligence and not completely useless) came over and asked if they could help. They stood at a pandemic-respectful distance and looked at me like they wanted something. A response, that was it. My brain lurched and jumped. How to communicate? What to do? Finally, my brain kicked to life after what seemed like an eternity of standing there.

I raised my hand; pointed at the shelf and just barked "talc". Then "talc?" Look of confusion from me.

"Talc".

Not my finest moment.

Anyway, he was cool. I eventually found the power of Words to Peoples and apologised for being inarticulate and then together we failed to find the talc. It was amusing, but on reflection also weird and troubling. I have spoken to maybe five people in person in about a year and actually holding a conversation in person is surprisingly difficult. We were both masked and distanced, so I wasn't concerned about COVID (beyond the ongoing background concern of course) and I've certainly talked a LOT to people over Zoom and equivalents, but in person is different.

It made me think about what returning to normal is actually going to be about. Not the common stuff about whether we work in offices again, or when the pubs will open, but the smaller everyday changes. I remember walking around shops in thick crowds. I remember people standing like lemons in the middle of the street because they didn't see the need to consider where the people were around them. I remember people - oh that's it, I'm remembering people. Over the last year, there have been far fewer folk out and about, and those that have have by and large been aware of their fellow humans and taken them into account. I really hope this is something we can keep moving forwards.

I'm curious what else is going to come up as I look around? I imagine the first time I get on a train again will be a weird experience.

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This post is from a series of shorter posts, written roughly once a week while the country is on lockdown to capture my feelings and reactions as we go. They are all tagged with coronavirus.